February 2012
2 posts
Just briefed my two bosses and said scrotum...
Take care..
Is the phrase of the day.
January 2012
6 posts
Some attempted to break into my building?
Super
“I saved something….but, I don’t know where….see if you can...”
– My client over email.
I Confess
At least once a week, I knock the gaysian’s electric toothbrush over and it falls in the trashcan. I figure that he doesn’t need to know.
Restaurant Week
We went to SAX for Restaurant Week last night. It was very different. Luckily, they keep it pretty dark, so the decor is not as much of an assault on the eyes as this picture makes it seem. The food was excellent. There’s a stage enclosed in glass above the bar and they have dancers perform throughout the night. The performances were…interesting. They got more artsy as the...
“I make my own copies to keep myself grounded.”
– The president of the company I work for.
December 2011
15 posts
Sometimes
All it takes to make your day better is having a cute bearded guy check you out (repeatedly) while you’re eating a salad all alone at the Corner Bakery.
“And also by a bit of a wild ride i took us on looking for a bit of a smoke of...”
– Sinead O’Connor telling one of her reasons for divorcing after 16 days of marriage. God, can you imagine going on a hunt for weed in Las Vegas with Sinead O’Connor? That has got to be one hell of a story.
...
Learn Something New Everyday
Me: What do you miss most about Korea?
Boobs' Korean Cousin: Noraebang.
Me:
Boobs: Karaoke.
I was right! Bye Simon. Enjoy Richmond.
Text Conversation After the Company Christmas...
Bossman's Wife: Where are we going?!
Me: Woodley Park area. This place has everything. Skeevies, Santa's helpers, and a Russian guy running on a treadmill in a Cosby sweater.
BW: I think we're just going to go on home.
“I spent a year in Salzberg. That’s where I became a Republican.”
– My coworker’s girlfriend to me at the company Christmas Party. I always get stuck next to a crazy even though we only have 12 employees.
Just watched Horrible Bosses
The gaysian insists that I am basically the male version of Jennifer Aniston’s character. Compliment or insult?
“I WANT SOAP THAT SMELLS LIKE CHRISTMAS!!”
– The Gaysian to me in the middle of Target after I questioned why he was getting “Baked Apple” hand soap when we have plenty of regular stuff at home.
I would donkey punch both of those guys fighting...
But I’ll make do with watching the video of them weighing in.
New Hobby
Watching guys do kettlebell swings.
November 2011
4 posts
I Love
When a pet makes a cameo in amateur porn. I think it pleases me more than the porn itself. Can someone start a blog of pets walking in and out of sex scenes?
October 2011
8 posts
An Opportunity Fell Into My Lap
And now I’m dusting off my resume for the first time in 10 years. It’s three pages right now. I don’t think that’s acceptable. Good thing the Gaysian works in HR and can cut this thing down to something normal.
Gaysian: Who farted?
Siri: No comment.
Intern: Hey, can you come over here and look at this for me?
Intern: I want dinosaur sheets and I can't decide which ones. What do you think?
Me: ...
Intern: I'm not drunk.
Homecoming
Me: Oh god. That's my roommate from freshman year.
Gaysian: That can't be him. He's too young.
Me: No, that's definitely him.
Gaysian: Well....you two definitely didn't age similarly.
September 2011
9 posts
An intern just asked me to make sure that her...
Cushion for the pushin'?
Me: When should I join a gym?
Gaysian: Yesterday.
Fine ass black man in my training class this...
Body like Arnold with a Denzel face.
You know you're old when...
you’re in a bar at 12:30am and get an email from Harris Teeter and involuntarily announce to everyone that pork tenderloin is on sale for $5.99 this week.
Camping Neighbors
We had some interesting camping neighbors this weekend. The star of the show was named Adrianna. She went from zero to wasted in about 20 minutes. There was an empty campsite between us and around 10pm, a car pulled up and dropped off some firewood at the empty campsite. And then this happened
Adrianna: Fuck you! Suck my dick! Woman in car: Hey! Watch your mouth! Adrianna’s Husband:...
Sometimes I'm horrified at the types of guys I'm...
August 2011
8 posts
I just had the scariest/most efficient bus ride of...
100 Montaditos →
It seems ridiculous to be excited about a sandwich shop, but this looks unique/interesting/delicious. And with franchising opportunities, possibly a good investment. Subway must be terrified.
http://www.100montaditos.com/miami/
“Oh, you slummin’ today, huh?”
– The cashier at Giant when I handed her my Harris Teeter bags.
How Nice....
It was for the State of Maryland to take pictures of me doing 67 mph in a 55 mph zone and send them to me. Fuck you very much.
Got My Hair Did
Every time I get a haircut, it’s a big punch in the face when I look down and see the amount of gray in my lap. It’s an even bigger punch in the face when I see the amount of gray still on my head. With the new exposure of my gray undercoat, I need to make the decision of whether to dye it (and feel like a complete douche bag) or embrace it Anderson Cooper-style (even though...
